Where am I getting my worth from?

So picking up where we left last time (You'll need to probably read April 25th blog, at least the part in the maroon red). Again below is me sharing what began to happen to me last spring and this whole idea of living in the Present, rather than constantly anxious about the future or dwelling on the past.

"This part of my journey that I’m sharing with you began back in early April. I was given a book to read called Ministering Cross-Culturally by Sherwood G. Lingenfelter. It was given to me by a guy from the Fort Collins Vineyard to help me prepare for the Jordan trip. This book is not just for those who go on foreign missions but for anyone wanting to grow. It has deeply rocked me to the core. It has convicted me of some of my unhealthy cultural tendencies and has invited the Lord to change me.

So what’s going on with me? Where is my mind much of the time? Why do I constantly worry about getting the next objective done and often see people as tasks? Why am I not fully present many times? Sherwood talks about how generally speaking Americans are task oriented people. Sherwood says on page 79 “Individuals who are task oriented find satisfaction in reaching their objectives and completing their projects. Their lives are motivated and directed by an unending succession of objectives. Frequently they aspire to complete a greater number of tasks than is humanly possible in the time they allocate; as a result, their lives take on a frenetic pace filled with activities. Many become workaholics, allowing tasks to so dominate their lives that other people are viewed as merely a part of their work schedule.” My life often takes this ‘frenetic pace,’ with an unending succession of objectives. It gets tiring.

Also I learned from Sherwood that the way we see time in this culture affects me often not being fully present in the moment. If I’m late five minutes for something I get upset. Or if someone else is late. I see time as something I am constantly losing. So if someone is taking too long I get very impatient. You’re messing with my TIME!! What is most saddening about my condition is I realized through this book that I find my worth often in how productive I am. How many objectives did I accomplish today? If I don’t accomplish a high amount I feel like I’ve FAILED. Sad huh? That’s why it is so important to understand where we get our worth from. That’s why it is important to take Sabbath regularly to remind ourselves that we are not machines and that God loves us, and places worth on us simply because we exist.

Where are we getting our worth from? I’ve started many of my days recently asking God this question out loud. “Do You love me?” Now you may say ‘Of course the answer is yes.” We could probably quote some verses from the Bible. Yes it is a FACT that God loves us. Why do we tend to turn the Bible into a fact sheet, into a dead noun? Isn’t it alive, an active—a verb? I’m not entirely sure. Why do I ask God a direct question to which I know the answer to intellectually? Because the God we serve is the Living God, and His word is living and active. So when I ask Him a question like “Jesus, do You love me?” a question which answer seems so elementary and basic what I am doing is inviting Him to let the truth spoken in the Bible come to life in my heart and mind. I’m inviting Him to make those words come alive. I’m inviting Him to actively answer me by His presence and any other way He wants to reveal Himself. He answers me in many different ways but all point to the answer of ‘yes I love You.”

You see if I don’t start my day that way I try finding my worth and love from many different places. In how many objectives I accomplish. How well I managed my time.

Another reason I ask God often the question, “do You love me?” is because it directly challenges my biggest insecurity and fear: “What if when I ask God do You love me? If He doesn’t answer or says no?” That is a fear of rejection deep down I have. Of not doing enough to please Him. But He drives that fear out when I ask that question, “do You love me?” because He responds with His love.

So try doing this with the Bible. When you read about God caring about the poor ask God “Lord do You care about the poor? Show me, use me this week for that.” Allow the words to become flesh and blood through you. Just as the Word became flesh and blood in Jesus and walked amongst us so now the church is called to be the flesh and blood, the skin. When you ask these questions you are inviting Him to work in and through you and the Scripture comes to life in your life."

We'll continue next time.